Trashy

That's currently how I'm feeling. I woke up this morning with some crummy feeling inside of me, as if I've lost myself. I'm beginning to think back, far back to my middle school years and I see that I've really changed. 6th grade was all about sucking up to the push over teachers. It was pretty easy getting good grades from them since I just sat there quietly and was not part of the "girlfriends" or "bitches" or and of the other groups of people that thought they were "cool". I didn't trash the room like they did or give blow jobs in class so that was like a bonus for me. My depression started in 7th grade. I went to the psychiatrist for A.D.D., but I found myself depressed, which probably made it seem like I had A.D.D. In 8th grade I did nothing, absolutely nothing and my grades went down the drain, but knowing that I'd be leaving made me somewhat happy...scared... but happy (though I was disappointed that I didn't get into Forest Hills). I see myself today as the total opposite of all that. I actually do my homework and care about my grades (although trying my hardest does not even get me a 90), I'm happy (well...somewhat), and I know that I don't have to try to fit in cuz technically, I already do (especially within the swarm of Asians at Bayside). I'm thinking this trashy feeling may end up following me through the rest of high school, college, medical school? xD. Doesn't hurt to aim high...or dream...